Saturday, April 20, 2013

Time to reset

Why do some people like to put others down? Is it an old past time that brings them pleasure? Are they even aware of what they are doing? Does it make a difference when it's an adult putting down other adults? Here's a different twist, would this qualify as bullying? 

I have a theory: In order to make themselves feel better about themselves, these individuals put others down. I encounter a particular individual (ya like how I worded that?) that I encounter on a daily basis. We are work colleagues and friends. This person and I are the same age but we have taken different paths in life. 

Her: super smart, graduated high school, college and went on to earn her MBA. No serious relationships, no children, has some interesting views on how men should be "trained". Work has been her adult life. 

Of course, there are many others that have taken the same path. Nothing wrong with that. 

Ok, on to me. 

Me: intelligent, graduated high school, some college, first child at 23, long term relationships, married at 28, 2nd child at 33, divorced, enrolled back in college, married to my MonkeyMan, happy (not saying that she is not happy). 

So, you can see, our paths were/are completely different. Does that make one path better than the other? 

She is very career oriented, she's a manager and has a great deal of experience. I have no desire to climb the corporate ladder. My desires lay outside of the work zone. This blog for instance. For so many years, I talked about starting something like this, first in print, thought about a website. It wasn't until about four years ago that I started to realize that there are some things that I am really good at. From there, I went on to start a local single parenting group. At this point in my life, I am enjoying my family and other ventures that God has placed in my heart and life. 

Over the years, this particular individual (there I go again) and I have become close. Close enough for me to hang out with her on the weekends, I invited her to my wedding last year, we've confided in each other. I consider her a friend. But then there is this other mode she goes into, where she makes other people feel inferior. Oh no, I am not the only one, there are many others. I wonder if this has impacted her personal relationships. I know that her work relationships have been influenced by her attitude. 

Let me admit, as I type this, I am coming to some realizations:

  1. You teach people how to treat you. This is an old adage that I heard from Dr. Phil and it's true. I set the stage as to how people treat me. With this particular individual, I have got to push the reset button. 
  2. This is the happiest stage I've ever been in my life. It took a while for me to get here but I am here. 
  3. I have joy, which is different than happiness (my opinion). Joy is that thing on the inside of you that springs out. It's calming, peaceful and soothing. Happiness is dependent on other things or other people. It's conditional. 

I believe that everyone has a low moment or two from time to time. I tend to dwell on the fact that I haven't completed college yet. When those thoughts come, it makes me feel insecure and fearful. When those thoughts of insecurity and fear come, I talk to myself. Here are a few things that I come up with:

I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I love me. I have worked hard to get to where I am today. Just like this particular individual. But I wonder about her self esteem.

So, yeah, I am pushing the reset button on this relationship. 

Why? Why not just sever the relationship? I enjoy having this particular individual as a friend. This also helps me to make sure that I am not putting others down. Keeps me on my toes. 

Ahhhhh...much better. This blog is therapeutic! Where else can I release what I am feeling for free? 

How about you? What do you do to pump yourself up? 


  1. Well, let me just say that college doesn't make you smarter. It gives you a paper that says that you earned a degree. Common sense and book sense have to equal out. And, I must say that I love blogging because it is such a release. It almost feels like it empowers you...or shall I say it empowers you. (Came over from My Favorite Post)

    Sharon Hodge

  2. Hi, new (GFC) follower from the Hop!

    I have realized that some people are just nasty, selfish and they truly don't care what they do to people. I despise bullying so, if I can, I try to fix this, I tend to take up for the underdog, but more importantly I know that everyone who puts someone else down has an even bigger problem, so I pray that they truly deal with their issues so they can be release and truly be better.

    Look forward to reading more.

  3. Thanks, Sharon! Even though I am back in school now, I wanted to make sure I was going for myself not for others.

    Yep, Laquana, in the end prayer is what is best to help people like this.

    Thank you both for stopping by!

  4. I think some people do it because they don't realize that they are doing it. Not on the outside, but on the inside. Likely they have someone talk to them like that on a regular basis and they lash out at others. But why they don't realize it, I think we are a very PC society and calling people out for their bad actions isn't something we do. What do I know?

    Stopping by from the Show Off blog hop!

  5. Hi - found you on the weekend blog hop. Thanks for hosting! I love this post and I completely agree with you that people who put others down usually do it to make themselves feel better. Of course, they may not realize it! I love your quote from Dr. Phil that we are responsible for how we let other people treat us. What a great lesson -- I needed that for this week. Thanks! Looking forward to connecting. :)

  6. @ April, I say you know a lot!! I think you're right, when we spot bad behavior, we need to say something. We do it with kids all the time. That's part of why I am pushing the reset button with this person.

    @Cheryl, that's for finding me!! That Dr. Phil quote always has a way to pull me back into reality.

  7. Loved the post...Life is too short to hold on to relationships that pull us down...
    I like your stance on this.

    1. Thanks, you're right, life is too short. I pressed reset about a week ago, the stage has been redefined. It's a process but I feel good kicking it off.

  8. Great post. It's very hard to sever friend relationships, even when they are not good for us. I wrote a piece last week based on the quote "People inspire you, or they drain...pick wisely"- by Hans F Hansen, but I never seem to be able to figure out what to do when they drain you...I like your reset button idea!!

    1. It definitely is like Dr. Phil says "you teach people how to treat you". We're worthy of not being drained. Thanks for weighing in on this.

  9. Hello! I came across your blog via the SHOW OFF Weekend Blog Party! I'm a follower. Great post! Some relationships are toxic and bring out the worse in both parties. So you're better off without them. Please visit my blog and if you enjoy my post, click "Like" or leave a comment. I appreciate the support.

    Thank you,


    1. Thanks for hanging out at our blog party. Looking forward to more great conversation.

  10. Hello there! New follower from the Weekend Hop and so great to meet you. We all have to follow our paths inn life and do those things that make US happy. We can't compare ourselves to anyone in terms of marriage, kids, college, work, etc. Do what fulfills you and brings your heart joy. If college fits into that, great. If not, that's okay too. The most important thing is to be your authentic self!

    Penny at Mom Rants and Comfy Pants

    1. I love that "be my authentic self". I feel like by pressing that reset button with this person, I can be myself around her again. That is a great feeling, not stressing but freeing. Thanks for stopping by!

  11. Hi, I here through The Wondering Brain, thank you for co-hosting this party! I want to invite you to visite my blog, and if you like my creations I hope that you will consider to follow me back! New follower here via GFC.
    Nice to meet you.
    Marisa from