Oh, the stories I will tell your kids!

17 and 7, the current ages of my kids.

They're both growing up, my son graduates in the spring. MonkeyMan and I decided that we would start building a treasure chest of the current things they do and say. These are things that have a tendency to annoy, astonish, anger, humor, otherwise kid stuff that they don't understand how it affects us as parents.

When they are fully grown, married and have their own kids, that treasure box will be ripped open to provide wisdom, nuggets of wisdom to their offspring. This will, hopefully, give their kids ideas (or weapons, depends on the context being used) on how to crawl right underneath their skin.

Here are the first 10 annoyances nuggets that have earned the right to go into the treasure chest, things my husband and I will say to our kids' kids:

1. Make sure you drink glass after glass of water right before bed.

2. Be sure to wake up at 6:30 am on Saturday mornings, bam on your parent's door like you're the police, requesting companionship. On one occasion, Hummingbird even slipped us a note underneath our bedroom door, letting us know that she was hungry.

3. No matter how exhausted your mom looks, she absolutely loves how you bounce off the walls at bedtime. She musters up enough energy to read you a story most nights, so having you hide behind doors, your bed, underneath your bed and walking on her heels to follow her around, yeah, she LOVES all of that at 9 pm on a school night.

4. Blame your mom when you leave your book for your book report at school. Oh yeah, especially when it's due the next day. I recall Hummingbird's words being"what did you do with my book?"

5. Yeah, go spend the weekend at a music festival, and forget to call your job to see when you're scheduled to work again. Schedules are posted on Fridays, so be sure to wait until Monday to call for the schedule. Yogli decided to call for his schedule, he was met with an abrupt "you're supposed to be here right now", then CLICK.

6. Your mom especially likes it when you wake up on a school morning, decide you want to wear something different other than what she has already ironed for you. (I have a feeling this one's gonna get more interesting as she grows older. Which will probably result in many posts.)

7. Yes, your dad likes it when you rinse the dishes without actually washing them. I think the food residue from yesterday's dinner will add a certain flair to tonight's dinner. (A tremendous pet peeve of mine. I cannot wait to visit his place over the next few years to see what that looks like.)

8. Your dad absolutely loves that he spent $500 on a laptop that you allowed someone else to step on and crack the screen. Yes, pumpkin, he also likes the fact that you cracked your iPhone screen (or whatever Apple's making in the future) a few weeks after you got it. Yeah, he's big on pouring money down the drain to satisfy your electronic needs.

9. Yes, you should wait until the last minute to sit for your senior pics. I know, they sent you notice back in July. It's now September and the deadline is the first week of October. So what that everybody else waited too and the studio is over booked! No, the crowded portrait studio won't bother him.

10. Your mom loves nothing more than watching the same episode of your Disney shows over and over and over and over...

The beauty all of this is that we can then send those kids, armed with the above nuggets of wisdom, home with their parents. At that moment, MonkeyMan and I will have our reward. Bwahahaha!!!

0 to 17...self discovery while parenting my son

There was laughter.

There was cheering.

People shouting.

I thought someone was gonna break out into a church praise dance!

Where was I, a concert? A pep rally?

Nope, I was at Senior Parent Night.

The class of 2014, or shall I say the parents of the class of 2014.

We be jammin'...wait what did you just say?

"I know you want it"

"Must wanna get nasty?"

Huh? When I heard these words come out of my 7 year old's mouth, I felt dizzy.

Then, I back tracked. Now, I know I don't listen to that song. It's got such a good beat and I feel myself wanting to bounce to it. I know her karate teachers do and they pick her up after school.

Ever been in that situation where you are getting your groove on to a certain song but you know the lyrics are totally inappropriate? As an added benefit, it's a song you know you shouldn't be listening to with your kid in the car?

The song Hummingbird was jammin' to was Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines. I mean, who could resist the nice beat that song has (I know, I mentioned that aleady). I don't mind her jammin' but I have to draw the line somewhere as the Mom. With the line drawn though, where else is there for us to travel? Today's music is so questionable.

Birds, bees and all things in between

I knew that one day my A type personality would back fire. There are times when I am out and about, I see a great deal on something, I get it. I may not use it right then but somewhere in the near future, I'll find a use for it. Whenever I use it, it has good results. Until now...

Well, maybe my good results from this will come in the future.

I've read several articles about how kids are growing up at a totally faster rate than when I was a kid. Kids today are exposed to so many things at a younger age. Look at the different distractions they face each day: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, the internet period, social media.

With all of that social media comes the possibility of them being exposed to things they don't need to see until later.

To get a jumpstart on Hummingbird's journey, I purchased this book:



While in the store, I flipped through the pages, wondering if the content was too much for her 7 year old mind. I know that at this age, kids are silly and laugh at words like: booger, do-do, booty, and whatever else. At the same time though, I thought back to when I was a kid. No one ever took the time to talk to me about my body, what was about to happen to it, how it was changing, nothing. I remember picking up bits and pieces, here and there, piecing it all together. Uuugggh!




Part of my duty as Hummingbird's mom is to tell her these things before some other kid tells her. And you know their version will be WRONG!

So, I bought the book, along with a cutesy journal (she loves journaling). She has carried both books around, with a pen, making notes in her journal.

Here's the dilemma, well, maybe not dilemma, more like a concern, I guess.

She's focusing on certain parts of the book: developing breasts and the section on boys! Oh lord, what have I done!

She will ask questions but then do that little kid thing where they laugh so much, and then they change the subject. I am trying to be open and discuss anything that she has questions about. MonkeyMan has been talking to her as well because he noticed about 3 journal pages from the boy section. She's copying sentences from the book into her journal. Now, a part of me is like, sweet, at least she's practicing her penmanship. But the other part is like "I should have left that book where it was, she's only 7".

Of course, I've heard the stories of kids her age talking about all sorts of sexual acts. Obviously, they've been exposed to stuff their young eyes should never see, not until they are older or maybe even never. I am not concerned that she will process this information incorrectly, she may be the kid that spreads the truth about the birds and the bees. I think that her reaction, so far, is normal. Which, in the long run, is what I wanted. To just lay a foundation. One that we can continue to build on as she grows older.

Let me mention, that foundation is sitting on my nightstand for right now. Yeah, I took that book...for now. My mom mind needs time to process my next move. Make the growing up STOP!

Why sounding like my mama is a good thing

Things my mama says....

• "Don't talk when grown folks are talking"
• "Standing too close to the tv will ruin your eyes" (Ok, this one might actually be true, been wearing glasses since 6th grade!)
• Roll your eyes again and I will knock you into next week" (one of my all time favs, amazing, I could time travel just for rolling my eyes!)
• "Make sure you have on clean underwear with no holes just in case you get into an accident and get taken to the hospital" (Really?!?!? Why would that matter if I am in the hospital?)
• "Either you eat what I've cooked or you don't eat at all"
• "I don't care that you're mad. You got your lips poked out so far, we can all jump up on them and ride" (that one just makes me scream with laughter, I am doing it right now as I am typing this!!!)

Just a few mom-isms I remember from my childhood. I also remember getting popped if I acted up in public or in front of company.

Ok, fam, I am suffering in this area when it comes to Hummingbird. I find myself telling her what's gonna happen if she doesn't behave instead of taking action. Remember how I talked about being consistent? I need to be more consistent in discipline as well. She gets away with a lot.

Here's my story. Since becoming a parent, I've always tried to do things differently than my parents. Not saying that they were bad parents but we didn't have a lot when I was a kid. We didn't go to parks, libraries, restaurants, none of that. We could not afford it. There was a lot of backyard bbqs with good food, good music, good friends. Back then, I thought that was not "cool", rather boring. So much, that I would stay in my room and listen to my own music and watch baseball, fantasizing about my life with one of the Atlanta Braves.

So, in my trying to do things differently than my parents, I think I may have caused some harm. I think that what I took as them being mean, was them actually steering me in the right direction. They made do with what we had. I am a reflection of that and I think that I'm a pretty darn good reflection. Now, I want to be reflected in a good way as well...

When Yogli was growing up, I would make sure that he got to experience childhood things, like playing soccer, going to parks, riding bikes and summer camps. He was such a well behaved kid that people would comment on how well behaved he was and still is. He's not perfect, but he's a good kid that, when he was 7, could sit in a restaurant and act right. Same with Hummingbird. She's taken dance lessons, currently takes karate, is a Girl Scout, very active kid. We take vacations, she goes to summer camps, we do family oriented things. Maybe I need to scale it back a bit. See, once again, my type A personality has me going from one extreme to the next.

Kids are different, plain and simple. Boys and girls are different, plain and simple. Hummingbird is a spirited, intelligent, sharp tongued, energetic 7 year old girl who loves bright colored finger nail polish and her hair flowing. I recall being in a store with her once and having a total stranger look at me and say "Honey, I'll bet that you're glad when her head hits the pillow at night." Amen, ma'am, amen.

Recently, I started to really observe her behavior. A lot of it is me, there's some of her dad there, too. Her need for attention is a characteristic of him, which we will have to shape over the upcoming years. Her sassy tongue, sharp comebacks, I guess anything that involves her talking comes from me. I say that without pride. Even when she is being her sharp witted self, she can still be so sweet. I love the fact that she is outgoing, has her own defined sense of style, and speaks her mind. I hope that these are things that she carries well into her teenage years and beyond. My task is to help her shape it so that it does way more good than harm.

Before drifting off to sleep one night, I was reading a blog post by Surburbia Interrupted that spoke quite loudly to me. Surburbia wrote about her daughter, who displayed some of the same characteristics as my Hummingbird. Surburbia realized that her daughter was a reflection of herself, they fed off of each other. Ha! This explains my relationship with Hummingbird to a T. Last Sunday, while getting ready for church, she looks at me and says "Mommy, I have some green shoes that would match your dress. I would let you borrow them but they are probably too small." This is a glimpse into our future, where she will probably be raiding my closet.

Where have all the villages gone?

He shaves, he's taller than I am, his voice is deep, he's leaving soon. Who is he? He's Yogli, he's a junior this year, only 1 year left before he is off to college. This got me to thinking. Thinking about him growing up throughout the years and people who were instrumental in helping me raise him. This all lead to the question of "Does it still take a village to raise a child?" 

Case in point, we attended a celebration this past Sunday. The celebration honored the legacy created by the Latchkey/Club Covenant program in Atlanta. After 38 years, this afterschool/summer program closed it's doors. This was the place where Yogli grew up. I still remember driving on Peachtree Road (you know just about every street in Atlanta is named Peachtree), trying to figure out where to turn. The program was housed in a church with a narrow driveway. I remember walking in, meeting Mrs. Walton. Mrs. Walton, a poised and eloquently spoken woman. This woman spoke and Yogli walked right over to her, this meant something. I knew right then and there, this was the place. Mrs. Walton and her crew taught Club Covenant kids how to be respectful, thankful, how to solve problems and gave them all the sense of family. They did all of this through sleepovers, family movie nights, end of the year performances where the kids wrote and acted in their own plays. 

During this time, I was a single parent, working a full-time job. Club Covenant stepped in and became our extended family. I welcomed that. Not sure if many parents in today's world welcome that sort of thing anymore. Where has the sense of community gone? Do parents feel like they don't want anyone else's opinion when it comes to raising their kids?

Yes, today's kids have much more to deal with than when I was a kid. It seems like predators and weirdos are all over the place. We, as parents, want to always protect our kids. Has this contributed to the loss of community? One plus can be social media. With so many parenting blogs and the power of a simple Google search, we can connect with other parents here, there and everywhere. Here's one that I still use today, even though it's thousands of miles away: http://parents.berkeley.edu/

Whether you believe it still takes a village to raise a kid or not, we were all designed to commune, not to be an island. Let's join together to bring back the villages.