Birds, bees and all things in between

I knew that one day my A type personality would back fire. There are times when I am out and about, I see a great deal on something, I get it. I may not use it right then but somewhere in the near future, I'll find a use for it. Whenever I use it, it has good results. Until now...

Well, maybe my good results from this will come in the future.

I've read several articles about how kids are growing up at a totally faster rate than when I was a kid. Kids today are exposed to so many things at a younger age. Look at the different distractions they face each day: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, the internet period, social media.

With all of that social media comes the possibility of them being exposed to things they don't need to see until later.

To get a jumpstart on Hummingbird's journey, I purchased this book:



While in the store, I flipped through the pages, wondering if the content was too much for her 7 year old mind. I know that at this age, kids are silly and laugh at words like: booger, do-do, booty, and whatever else. At the same time though, I thought back to when I was a kid. No one ever took the time to talk to me about my body, what was about to happen to it, how it was changing, nothing. I remember picking up bits and pieces, here and there, piecing it all together. Uuugggh!




Part of my duty as Hummingbird's mom is to tell her these things before some other kid tells her. And you know their version will be WRONG!

So, I bought the book, along with a cutesy journal (she loves journaling). She has carried both books around, with a pen, making notes in her journal.

Here's the dilemma, well, maybe not dilemma, more like a concern, I guess.

She's focusing on certain parts of the book: developing breasts and the section on boys! Oh lord, what have I done!

She will ask questions but then do that little kid thing where they laugh so much, and then they change the subject. I am trying to be open and discuss anything that she has questions about. MonkeyMan has been talking to her as well because he noticed about 3 journal pages from the boy section. She's copying sentences from the book into her journal. Now, a part of me is like, sweet, at least she's practicing her penmanship. But the other part is like "I should have left that book where it was, she's only 7".

Of course, I've heard the stories of kids her age talking about all sorts of sexual acts. Obviously, they've been exposed to stuff their young eyes should never see, not until they are older or maybe even never. I am not concerned that she will process this information incorrectly, she may be the kid that spreads the truth about the birds and the bees. I think that her reaction, so far, is normal. Which, in the long run, is what I wanted. To just lay a foundation. One that we can continue to build on as she grows older.

Let me mention, that foundation is sitting on my nightstand for right now. Yeah, I took that book...for now. My mom mind needs time to process my next move. Make the growing up STOP!

Can't we all just get along?

Calling all moms of girls, listen up!

Last week, Atlanta hosted old school bubble gum pop, New Kids on the Block. Yes, I went and had a blast! The city also hosted new school bubble gum pop, One Direction. No, I did not go, would not if the tickets were free.

Yes, I know I cut off part of One Direction's name, whatever!

I don't recall NKOTB fans being as vicious as these One Direction followers. Case in point, I listen to a radio morning show that conducted an interview with One Direction months ago and again last week (seems like they have a concert here every 6 months). One member of this morning show is a 30-something, very attractive woman, who happened to catch the eye of one of the One Direction group members. To the point that they were messaging each other while he was on tour. This set One Direction followers ablaze! Their most recent interview prompted some very hateful and distasteful tweets. The morning show hosts could not even read them on air, as they were filled with f-bombs and the "c" word. These were all coming from tween and teenage girls. Many of the tweets talked about how they would love to kill these morning show hosts, the word "die" was thrown around so much. WTH? When did this happen? I don't ever recall being so filled with venom but then again there was no social media when I was their age.

This concerned me deeply because I have a 7 year old girl. I am sure you've all heard about cyber bullying. I have not experienced this and pray that we don't have to. However, it has caused me to want to prepare myself and my daughter.

google images

Where do I start? How? I can say that I will keep her from Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. But that won't stop mean girls from posting things. Things that the entire world can see, an imprint that could potentially follow her.










My first instinct was to read up how to build her up and how she can build herself up. Here are 5 books I ran across on amazon.com:

1. Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman
2. Little Girls Can Be Mean by Michelle Anthony
3. Stand up for yourself and your friends by Angela Martini
4. A Smart Girl's Guide To Knowing What To Say by Patti Kelley Criswell
5. The Feelings Book by Dr. Lynda Madison 

What has happened to make girls so vicious towards other girls? Most recently, I read a post over at mish mash mama, where she urged us, as women, to get rid of competition. Women, we know how we are. We stray off of our paths, glancing over at somebody else, saying why this, why that. I know, cause I am guilty. But is this where it starts with our girls? You know kids watch everything we do, we are their example. Hummingbird imitates me so much it's scary! But for real, is this why our girls have vicious tendencies?

Or does it stem from their fathers not being present in their lives? I said "present". Just because the parents are still married, living in the same house, doesn't mean that daddy is present. We all know the impact a dad can have on a daughter's life. Ask me. My parents are still married, have been for the past 40 years. My papa was/is a rolling stone, which means, among other things, he wasn't very "present" in my life growing up. I know that this has impacted my adult relationships. I am free from that now but it was a lot of hard work and acknowledging that I was bitter about it.

I'm not saying we raise a bunch of male bashing chicks but girls that hang out with each other, that help each other, that say nice things to each, that call out other girls when they are wrong, that are real with each other, that aren't afraid to stand up for what's right, to help define what's right, to cry when they need to, to laugh because they need to, to not be afraid of being smart, creative, beautiful, to not hide away because of their body shape, that talk about how they feel, that express themselves, that don't purposely hurt others, that live, laugh, love.

Still takes a village, ya'll. As that village, let's come to grips with our emotions. I know I need to stop whining about this, about that and get on with living. The world isn't perfect but I am not gonna let that stop me from living. Yes, life is full of disappointments but I gotta learn from somewhere. I have never proclaimed to be the perfect mom, neither am I striving to be. I am working to be the mom that God has called me to be to Hummingbird and Yogli. That may look different from the type of mom you've been called to be and that's ok. With our differences, we can learn from each other. I would love to sit here and say whatever hurdle life throws at me, that I dodge it, that I know exactly what to do. I don't always know what to do. Ask my husband. Ask my family. Ask my friends. That's why it still takes a village.

To get us started, I developed this Girl Inspired printable and make it available to you.
**my disclaimer: this is my first time offering a printable, so let me know if you are not able to access or print.



I printed one for Hummingbird, framed it and put it on a shelf in her room. I want her to know that these are things she can do to feel good about herself, boosting up that self worth.

















I know that many mamas will say "what about our boys?" I am right there with you, I have one, a teenage version. Boys are a whole other battle, which needs more attention as well.

Would love to grow this into a movement, a movement all over the blogsphere, blogverse. Ya'll with me? Talk to me about how you keep your girl(s) grounded, how do you encourage them, how do you set them straight, what mama wisdom do you share with them?

Time to reset

Why do some people like to put others down? Is it an old past time that brings them pleasure? Are they even aware of what they are doing? Does it make a difference when it's an adult putting down other adults? Here's a different twist, would this qualify as bullying? 

I have a theory: In order to make themselves feel better about themselves, these individuals put others down. I encounter a particular individual (ya like how I worded that?) that I encounter on a daily basis. We are work colleagues and friends. This person and I are the same age but we have taken different paths in life. 

Her: super smart, graduated high school, college and went on to earn her MBA. No serious relationships, no children, has some interesting views on how men should be "trained". Work has been her adult life. 

Of course, there are many others that have taken the same path. Nothing wrong with that. 

Ok, on to me. 

Me: intelligent, graduated high school, some college, first child at 23, long term relationships, married at 28, 2nd child at 33, divorced, enrolled back in college, married to my MonkeyMan, happy (not saying that she is not happy). 

So, you can see, our paths were/are completely different. Does that make one path better than the other? 

She is very career oriented, she's a manager and has a great deal of experience. I have no desire to climb the corporate ladder. My desires lay outside of the work zone. This blog for instance. For so many years, I talked about starting something like this, first in print, thought about a website. It wasn't until about four years ago that I started to realize that there are some things that I am really good at. From there, I went on to start a local single parenting group. At this point in my life, I am enjoying my family and other ventures that God has placed in my heart and life. 

Over the years, this particular individual (there I go again) and I have become close. Close enough for me to hang out with her on the weekends, I invited her to my wedding last year, we've confided in each other. I consider her a friend. But then there is this other mode she goes into, where she makes other people feel inferior. Oh no, I am not the only one, there are many others. I wonder if this has impacted her personal relationships. I know that her work relationships have been influenced by her attitude. 

Let me admit, as I type this, I am coming to some realizations:

1. You teach people how to treat you. This is an old adage that I heard from Dr. Phil and it's true. I set the stage as to how people treat me. With this particular individual, I have got to push the reset button. 
2. This is the happiest stage I've ever been in my life. It took a while for me to get here but I am here. 
3. I have joy, which is different than happiness (my opinion). Joy is that thing on the inside of you that springs out. It's calming, peaceful and soothing. Happiness is dependent on other things or other people. It's conditional. 

I believe that everyone has a low moment or two from time to time. I tend to dwell on the fact that I haven't completed college yet. When those thoughts come, it makes me feel insecure and fearful. When those thoughts of insecurity and fear come, I talk to myself. Here are a few things that I come up with:

I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I love me. I have worked hard to get to where I am today. Just like this particular individual. But I wonder about her self esteem.

So, yeah, I am pushing the reset button on this relationship. 

Why? Why not just sever the relationship? I enjoy having this particular individual as a friend. This also helps me to make sure that I am not putting others down. Keeps me on my toes. 

Ahhhhh...much better. This blog is therapeutic! Where else can I release what I am feeling for free? 

How about you? What do you do to pump yourself up?