ReShape Mondays

Enjoy the silence...aahhhh. Anybody remember this video? Yes, this ReShape Monday has me digging back through my childhood. At the time, I didn't get this video. But today driving into work, it came to mind. You see, I have entered into a new stage of my career. At times, this new stage puts me in new circles. Sometimes, in those circles, I am with people who have diarrhea of the mouth. During those times, I recall something my old Pastor used to say when he would be in the company of other prestigious pastors. He would tell about how some of the pastors that wanted to be seen and heard made a lot of noise but very little sense. During those times, he would "practice the art of silence". 

Sometimes talking too much can get you into trouble, make you sound like a fool. Check out what the bible says about that "Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. (Proverbs 17:28)". 

So, today, I knew that I would be surrounded by those who wanted to talk a lot so that it seemed like they knew a lot. Enter Depeche Mode. Not sure the meaning behind the song but just the title alone gave me what I needed. 

Not sure about you but I struggle with clearing my mind so that I can enjoy the silence. I have tried many times to wake up early and just sit, with a clear mind. It sounds so easy to do, sit and imagine yourself walking on beach. Or listen to the rain falling. Or thunder. Or white noise from the t.v. 

Just think about what can happen during that silence. Answers you've been waiting for can finally have the space to come through. We are so bombarded with things that compete for our attention. We've learned to multi-task with the best of them. Practicing silence has become a lost art form. I say we get back to it. Let's not only practice silence but listening as well. Giving others our full attention, not wishing that they would hurry and finish so we can start talking. 

It's a process. As I work to get to that point, I can be quiet when necessary. 

Time to reset

Why do some people like to put others down? Is it an old past time that brings them pleasure? Are they even aware of what they are doing? Does it make a difference when it's an adult putting down other adults? Here's a different twist, would this qualify as bullying? 

I have a theory: In order to make themselves feel better about themselves, these individuals put others down. I encounter a particular individual (ya like how I worded that?) that I encounter on a daily basis. We are work colleagues and friends. This person and I are the same age but we have taken different paths in life. 

Her: super smart, graduated high school, college and went on to earn her MBA. No serious relationships, no children, has some interesting views on how men should be "trained". Work has been her adult life. 

Of course, there are many others that have taken the same path. Nothing wrong with that. 

Ok, on to me. 

Me: intelligent, graduated high school, some college, first child at 23, long term relationships, married at 28, 2nd child at 33, divorced, enrolled back in college, married to my MonkeyMan, happy (not saying that she is not happy). 

So, you can see, our paths were/are completely different. Does that make one path better than the other? 

She is very career oriented, she's a manager and has a great deal of experience. I have no desire to climb the corporate ladder. My desires lay outside of the work zone. This blog for instance. For so many years, I talked about starting something like this, first in print, thought about a website. It wasn't until about four years ago that I started to realize that there are some things that I am really good at. From there, I went on to start a local single parenting group. At this point in my life, I am enjoying my family and other ventures that God has placed in my heart and life. 

Over the years, this particular individual (there I go again) and I have become close. Close enough for me to hang out with her on the weekends, I invited her to my wedding last year, we've confided in each other. I consider her a friend. But then there is this other mode she goes into, where she makes other people feel inferior. Oh no, I am not the only one, there are many others. I wonder if this has impacted her personal relationships. I know that her work relationships have been influenced by her attitude. 

Let me admit, as I type this, I am coming to some realizations:

1. You teach people how to treat you. This is an old adage that I heard from Dr. Phil and it's true. I set the stage as to how people treat me. With this particular individual, I have got to push the reset button. 
2. This is the happiest stage I've ever been in my life. It took a while for me to get here but I am here. 
3. I have joy, which is different than happiness (my opinion). Joy is that thing on the inside of you that springs out. It's calming, peaceful and soothing. Happiness is dependent on other things or other people. It's conditional. 

I believe that everyone has a low moment or two from time to time. I tend to dwell on the fact that I haven't completed college yet. When those thoughts come, it makes me feel insecure and fearful. When those thoughts of insecurity and fear come, I talk to myself. Here are a few things that I come up with:

I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I love me. I have worked hard to get to where I am today. Just like this particular individual. But I wonder about her self esteem.

So, yeah, I am pushing the reset button on this relationship. 

Why? Why not just sever the relationship? I enjoy having this particular individual as a friend. This also helps me to make sure that I am not putting others down. Keeps me on my toes. 

Ahhhhh...much better. This blog is therapeutic! Where else can I release what I am feeling for free? 

How about you? What do you do to pump yourself up?