Ever been to CrazyTown?

Who came up with "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"? Whoever they are, they lied. I actually believed that when I was a kid, but life has a way of showing you that a little nursery rhyme is far from the truth.

I've always been a bit sarcastic. I've always had a way of using my words to inflict pain whenever I am angry. At times, I've used my words to inflict pain on those who don't deserve it, those who have been closet to me. People usually hurt those closet to them. Not saying that it's right but I can see how that happens. Those closet to us see us, the real us, bare bones and all. Sometimes what we show them is pretty, sometimes it's jacked up, sometimes it's just plain UGLY.

I've used my words sometimes to cover up what I am really feeling. This happened in a recent encounter with the person closet to me. Instead of me simply saying what I was feeling, I went from point A to point XTBECCGOXLA (yeah that probably doesn't exist, my point exactly). Yikes! I clearly went to CrazyTown, as a good friend of mine describes it. She says " we all have a bit of CrazyTown in us. Be a visitor, not a permanent resident".

On this recent visit to CrazyTown, the minute I opened my mouth, I knew that I was wrong. Yet, I didn't stop. That made me awful, to hear the Voice telling me to stop but yet I kept going. Once all of the venom was out, I felt disgusted with myself.

The next morning, I asked God for the words to say to express why I said the things I said. He didn't say "why are you asking me now, you didn't ask me last night". Ha! Instead, certain scriptures were brought to my remembrance, things I had learned in a relationship class I had taken last year.

Over the past few years, I have worked to quickly acknowledge my fault in matters. So, I've accomplished that. Now, I need to work on words I use to express that fault.

Another reason why I continue to work on using my words for good is that I have two folks who are always looking at what I do and listening to what I say: Yogli and Hummingbird. They both have sharp tongues (got it naturally) but I want them to use that sharp tongue only when necessary. Yeah, I know, you probably thought I was going to say "use that sharp tongue never". Nope. I believe that there are instances where some people need to hear some sharp words. I guess I am saying I want them to be able to control how they use their words.

So, I've passed through CrazyTown, hoping to hold off on my next visit. However, if I visit again, I will have better control on how long I visit. I've donated this sign for CrazyTown to put on its streets:

Do you...without the guilt

We are a blended family. Are we? What do they call it when one person has kids, the other doesn't, they get married. That's still blended, right? Labels make things so complicated. Anyway, as a result of all of this, I have to interact with the ex husband and exchange the children at times. Now, those exchange moments are far and in between (no need to dwell on that). But when those far and in between times come, I make the most of it.

MonkeyMan gave me a great revelation the other night. If you follow this blog, you have probably heard me talk about how we work different shifts. He comes home on Friday night at about 11:30 pm. He was astonished to find out that I was still awake! I wasn't tired at all. I mentioned to him that Hummingbird exhausts me. He said to remember that my personality type is that of an introvert. See Hummingbird didn't just get that name by chance. About 2 summers ago, she decided she didn't want to be called by her real name. She came up with Hummingbird and Flower. So, we went a whole summer calling her by either of those names. Hummingbirds are tiny and they flutter around constantly. That's her. She's an extrovert, not sure how because her dad is not an extrovert. MonkeyMan proceeds to tell me that, because she's an extrovert, she drains my introverted spirit. While I am being drained, she's being energized. On the flipside of that, I am energized when I am able to be alone. If she's left alone, she's being drained. Hence, the reason why I was still awake when he came home.

https://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

With my new found revelation, I woke up on Saturday morning and headed to the gym, while MonkeyMan headed into work for a few hours (I know, it sucks, right?). It's all good though, because we had a date night later,

Barely being able to walk after the gym, I fell into my car and went to a few of my favorite places: Hobby Lobby and Kohl's. It is a different experience when a mom can go shopping without being asked a gazillion questions. Or having to dance around a coordinated block technique. Yogli and Hummingbird do this to me whenever we're in stores they don't want to be in.

Shopping alone, how therapeutic! You get to take your time, nobody rushing you, you can go to how many ever stores you want to. Probably the most beautiful benefit to all of this is that I am price conscious shopper. I will never pay full price.

After my shopping was done, I strolled into the house. Not a sound. Went into my cloffice, cranked up Spotify and enjoyed working on this blog, internet surfing, whatever I wanted to do.

As moms, our "ON" button is always on. I enjoy motherhood, it has helped to shape me into the person  I am today. That's only one of my roles though. I am one person with multiple roles. In order for me to perform my roles effectively, I need to be fueled. Fueled without the guilt. There should be no guilt of indulging in things that make you feel good.

So, how do you "do you"? Is it by getting a massage? Staying in bed all day? Shopping? I know a mom whose "do you" time is with her 2 boys, both under the age of 5! Wow, but some moms cannot stand being away from their kids. However you "do you", just do it. Even if it's just for a few hours, do you. In order to be your best for the fam, you've got to be your best for you first. Everybody needs and deserves a mental break.

Well, my "do me" weekend has come to a close. They're baaaacckkkk! Bring it, I say, cause I am energized and back in mommy mode.

ReShape Mondays

Enjoy the silence...aahhhh. Anybody remember this video? Yes, this ReShape Monday has me digging back through my childhood. At the time, I didn't get this video. But today driving into work, it came to mind. You see, I have entered into a new stage of my career. At times, this new stage puts me in new circles. Sometimes, in those circles, I am with people who have diarrhea of the mouth. During those times, I recall something my old Pastor used to say when he would be in the company of other prestigious pastors. He would tell about how some of the pastors that wanted to be seen and heard made a lot of noise but very little sense. During those times, he would "practice the art of silence". 

Sometimes talking too much can get you into trouble, make you sound like a fool. Check out what the bible says about that "Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. (Proverbs 17:28)". 

So, today, I knew that I would be surrounded by those who wanted to talk a lot so that it seemed like they knew a lot. Enter Depeche Mode. Not sure the meaning behind the song but just the title alone gave me what I needed. 

Not sure about you but I struggle with clearing my mind so that I can enjoy the silence. I have tried many times to wake up early and just sit, with a clear mind. It sounds so easy to do, sit and imagine yourself walking on beach. Or listen to the rain falling. Or thunder. Or white noise from the t.v. 

Just think about what can happen during that silence. Answers you've been waiting for can finally have the space to come through. We are so bombarded with things that compete for our attention. We've learned to multi-task with the best of them. Practicing silence has become a lost art form. I say we get back to it. Let's not only practice silence but listening as well. Giving others our full attention, not wishing that they would hurry and finish so we can start talking. 

It's a process. As I work to get to that point, I can be quiet when necessary.